My curiosity begs me to ask several questions about your life and your random attack. And, if I can be of any service to your peace of mind, I will gladly inspire a clan of monkey-peace followers.
I can only imagine how us opposable-thumbed mammals cause jealousy. But let me say this, we opposable-thumbed mammals are just as jealous because we are not able to have your agility and fearlessness when facing heights.
So, maybe there is still a chance to find a bit of understanding in our mammalian blood to stop the "monkey business" and enjoy more harmonic hiking in the Cahuita National Park.
That leads me to a series of questions that will help the court understand your random attack on the Cahuitian chica. She suffered dearly. Internal bleeding, stitches, and had to undergo a series of rabies shots. You are being charged with second degree murder.
Seriously monkey, how did she bring about such violence? Was her smiling taunts of "Oh isn't she cute..." aggravating? Was she sleeping with your mate? Did she just look so good, you had to have some? Was she carrying bananas? Are you a vampire monkey?
I apologize if my questions are too personal. You do have the right to a non-opposable thumbed lawyer, but the 5th amendment does not apply. Actually...the 5th amendment is irrelevant because we were nowhere near the USA.
Oh my white faced monkey friend, I can only hope you and I are able to negotiate a peaceful ceasefire between our biological differences in thumbs. If you need an ear to listen, or a place to escape for a bit, I am here for you.
May we meet again.
Your opposable-thumbed friend
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