A snapshot: In my element

I realized upon walking into my apartment this evening, that I am IN my ELEMENT. Suitcase in the hallway. Clean laundry from last week all over the floor covering my yoga mat. My shower and bathroom hasn't had a really thorough cleaning for...well I can't remember. And my bed, my bed was the best visual--totally destroyed, a big pile of sheet and comforter, half on my bed half off my bed and the pillows looked like a tornado had taken them and spun them to all sides of the bed.

I definitely have been in my element, or maybe NOT HOME ever.  My wind down consists of Facebook, some journaling and a phone call when I can spare the "me" time after being out from 8 am until 9 PM, starving, and unsure of where all my 200 dollars of groceries went in the last 5 days--well I've got carrots, swiss chard, cereal, veggie dogs and some really ripe bananas. I get caught up in catching up with my friend who lives in NY and forget to eat dinner--it's now 10:30 at night...that's how the story goes. And I was gone last weekend, the weekend before that, and this next weekend I'll be in NY. I'm in my element.

I don't know what day it is. I only know what I feel like moment to moment. I had a phone call with an ex-boyfriend who is now my dear friend (so maybe I should just refer to him as my friend, but I like throwing the history in) and he was like "Dating anyone?" And I laughed, "No time for sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll." At least when it's not worth it. He laughed. I laughed, and realized that I eat, sleep, work/write, practice yoga, teach yoga, and do yoga homework. I'm super happy with that, and have no tears coming out of my eyes because I don't have a body next to me at night or a hand to hold when I'm walking down the street. Yes, of course, it would be magnificent, but I want it to be right, I want to be with someone because of the right reasons. I'm done with this whole "experience" thing. I've had my fair share of "experiences" and I truly love my life right now.

I love how the sun comes in through my windows every morning. I love walking to work. Walking the mile long commute through the warehouse district to yoga. I love how I feel almost every single day, and when I don't,  I love the fact that I can admit to myself that I'm not "liking something." I'm in my element.

The laundry on my floor, the funny face and disheveled hair, all of that is a sign of me being "in" the life.   I clean 45 minutes before my students come over. That is my incentive. I open mail when I decide to turn on the tv and then don't watch the show because I'm opening mail and talking to someone on IM at the same time. I'm horrible about doing stuff all at the same time, but it makes me feel me.

Some people would say "You must just be stressed out if your home is a mess, and you don't have groceries?" Actually, a perfectly tidy apartment and full fridge, usually means I'm having students over, or I'm going on a long trip (minus the food), or I just decided that I should clean and take a day off from the world. Mind you, I can't stand a dirty kitchen, so that is always clean no matter what.

I'm in my element. I don't want to clean. I want to write, and now I want to sleep--5:30 comes way too fast.