Just Dance

I'm always amazed by what happens to me when a rhythm is played or when an increase of energy is present within music. I immediately want to move. I immediately want to feel the tingle of the electricity of the rhythm in every pore of my body. I am entranced when I dance. I lose all consciousness of what else is around me when I am connected to the energy that is me and the rhythm that is felt. It is me the music and the energy that connects the two parts. 

I danced for 3 hours straight without thinking or drinking. It was a good dancing night. For most of the night it was just me on the dance floor with the intermingling of my colleagues. I didn't care. I think tonight was the first night that I didn't care about who was watching, how I was moving, and whether or not I was dancing well. I was just moving and loving every moment of the freedom and the energy that I was able to create. Soon more people were dancing and then I started to get even happier, because I could see and feel them getting into the energetic tangle. It was beautiful. Everyone moves so differently, and it is just so fascinating to see how one person interprets a rhythm or a song and makes it his own. 

It goes without saying, I love to dance. I love music and I love feeling music in me. The more I learn, the more I realize that movement is something that I am fascinated by. I love the human body and I love how it works. The smallest movement of the body can change the entire energy of a person and can even go so far as changing the emotion of a group of people. 

Dancing is not something some people do, it's what we all do. It's present whenever we move. 

When you tell your mom everything

When you tell your mother everything
You know she's not going to understand
But you know you have to take that chance
Well at least you feel like you needed to at the time
When you tell your mom all the good and all the bad
When you tell your mom about your super powers
You are going to get a reaction
You are going to get the "worried" reaction
Information overload is a mom's injection to "worriedness"

But when you decide to start telling your mom everything
You feel freedom
You feel like you
You don't feel like a secret
You start to be you
You start to let the person that cares about you more than anything in
When you realize you never let her in
You are overwhelmed with what that means
You feel like a stranger to yourself and to the woman who did everything for you

When you decide to tell your mom everything
You are jumping off a very big cliff into a very unknown land
You know she won't understand everything, but you are finally willing to take that chance
You are finally willing to let her reactions to your words matter less than the truth you want to share
You are finally living and sharing your life with someone that you love and who loves you back
You are finally communicating without borders

When you decide to tell your mom everything
You have decided to start telling yourself everything
You are ready to be heard
You are ready to step out from your shadow
You are ready for whatever may come

When you decide to tell your mom everything
You feel the love she's been giving you from day one
And you will be surprised by how amazing that can be

The reflection of a trombone case in an elevator mirror

When you realize that you love someone, you never forget that moment. Every little detail becomes ingrained in you head. Even the location of the mustard seems like a still life painted by a marvelous artist.

When you realize that you love someone, an incredible thing happens a part of you wakes up as if an alarm clock just went off.

When you realize that you love someone, it may not be the first time that you realized it for that person. It may actually be days or months after you pushed aside any hope of reality allowing that love to become something of a committment between you, the universe, and that other person. 

When you realize you love someone, you have an undenying urger to tell them without concern for the consequences.

When you realize you love someone, you begin to understand the connection between soul, body and the greater universal spirit. When you realize that you actually love someone, there is no turning back...you will always love them in some way. 

When you realize you love someone, you feel completely out of control, and you know that you cannot really control the destiny of where that love takes you. But, having faith in that love will deliver you to a beautiful place even if in the end you are not really with that person. It was love, it was the realization of love, that got you there. 

And so when you realize you love someone, you have to have faith that it will take you on a journey that you would never trade no matter how big the heartbreak may be when reality shatters your perceptions of "what you thought might be forever." 

The thing is, you will love forever and love will forever be realized.

Today I realized that I will never stop loving the people who have made me "realize love" and I'll never forget the smell of the coffee on one particular day, nor forget the color of the trees and the smell of rain, or even think about dismissing the orange dinosaur shirt, or the reflection of a trombone case in an elevator mirror.

And so when you realize you love someone, there's no turning back. SMACK you've started living with your heart and your heart is the best compass you have. 

The reality of the AR Team: a real dream

I can measure it all in hours
2 hours in Cahuita at dinner
2 hours walking, dancing, and listening to reggae
30 some hours instant messaging
60 some hours of interrupted long distance phone calls
30 some hours of kissing
35 hours of sleeping, well I slept while you spent the night meditating and studying
10 hours of bathing
20 some hours of holding hands
2 hours of dancing to bad 80s music
12 hours of riding in cars
168 hours minus 20 hours--our total honeymoon
I can measure it all as if I were counting it on my fingers
I can measure, the life of Anne and Ruben, in a chapter that ends with no words
There is nothing more to say than, my reality of this feels much more as a dream
Teaching us beauty and helping us find a little more of who we both are
I can measure you in hours, I can measure us in telephone bills
There are no fairy book endings dear one, there is just the reality of this
We dared to dream of a life together, and reality set an alarm clock that was set much earlier than I expected
It's been 48 hours...I've already let go

Being human

Being human is fragile

Beautiful beyond expression

Dangerous for the most unexpected reasons

Joyful for the dance we take and make

Heartbreaking for the love we share and cannot humanly keep

Stressful for the burden of power we carry

Inspiring for the possibilities we have been granted

Reassuring with soul companionship

Believable when we see the sun and moon

A dream when we wake to find our body breathes

Energetically driven by the food we grow

Desired by the animal inside

Passion from the center of our every nucleolus

Being human is something to be respected

With our great power comes great responsibility

It's so easy to play in the shadows to search the light for more

But it is our bodies that protect us from the energies that shift

It is our bodies that make us human and allow our spirits a place

A place to manifest the ingenuity of something much larger

Being human is a gift of light

We have the ability to see what the power of energy can create

from the smallest seed to the largest galaxy

We are impeccably awesome and impeccably blessed

Jump

When do we learn to jump?

Is it before we run

Is it before we hide

Is it when we find joy

or is it when we are scared

When do we learn how to defy gravity?

Is it on the high dive

The graduation podium

The one-way ticket to a land far far away

How do we jump?

With eyes open or closed

With our nose plugged or unplugged

With a scream or with silence

How do we know?

With love

With pain

With intuitive wisdom

With our heart wide open

Where do we jump?

In our heart

In our homes

In foreign soil

On stage in front of 1000s

When can I jump?

Now.

Jumping is something we use as a way of expressing joy, or when we have no other choice. But, in my life jumping has meant facing fear. It has physically meant jumping off 70 ft waterfalls. 

Jumping has been a metaphor in my life that often did not involve the physical "leap of faith" but the "leap of faith" in myself. The physical examples of it are the best ways to describe the "leap of faith" --waking up one morning and deciding that I would ride my bike without anyone at the age of 4, climbing a 500 ft exposed piece of rock, doing my first back walkover on the balance beam, moving to Chicago without knowing anyone, and performing on stage in front of hundreds of people.

 

I have jumped so many times, and have fallen more times than I can remember. 

But, now there is a jump that seems higher than any of my previous ones. One that will land me in a valley unlike any place I've ever been. I keep wondering when the timing will be right. I keep wondering...I keep postponing this jump...this leap of faith.

Take my hand

I'll hold on tight

we'll walk this rope

we'll fight this fight

Together

there is no letting go

interlaced in love

enlightened through life

Take my hand

I'll do my best to empty 

the promises of yesterday

into the truth of today

There's nothing to fear

my strength is strong

if you can handle

where I'll lead you

Take my hand

let me show you

what I need you to know

what I need me to be

where I need to go

Take my hand

trust that there will be 

a road

a sign

a resting spot

a journey with hope

for you and I

wherever we go