A funeral

The circle is strong, sacred

Breath takes transcendence against the waves

his smile strengthens what I'm about to do

Words unspoken pour down in sync with tears

The circle holds me in presence

Fire cracks and I throw the anger into the fire

It dances in smoke and releases into air sucked into the jungle

absorbed by the trees and the plants, balancing

He is very close transposed against this jungle 

Grieving and loving

He helps me feed this fire with peace

as I energetically cut my ties

I free him, I free me

Love energetically lifting the boughs of darkness

I offer him peace

I let go

The fire cracks

I open my eyes

Silence

The circle holds

Bending Backwards

you take me in your hands and breathe

whispering "I've got you" 

I bend 

slowly

backwards

you hold me

my heart

screams through my ribs

breath entering space

closed in darkness

you 

take me farther

heart racing

mind fearing

you guiding  

with calm breath

tears rain down my cheeks

the storm outside mimicks my howling heart

inhale

exhale

trust given

darkness fills with light 

between my collar bones

connecting me

heart

voice

intellect

20 breaths

energy released

distance discovered

Gratitude offered 

you teach through touch

to open space for more

Ruben

My last day and night in Cahuita touched my heart in many different ways. I think that is why I'm struggling to adjust, I miss the people that taught me so much in a very short amount of time. Each one of these people deserves their own poem, their own blog, their own story to be told honestly and beautifully. I dare to tread those waters.

One man in particular touched my heart. It was not so much his words, his actions, or his image. It was his spirit. There were no barriers, no extraneous words, his silence was communicative and his smile was one that remains imprinted upon my heart.

Randomly and purposefully the universe connected us. Aloca unexpectedly showed up when Sabine and Magnus and I were eating dinner Sunday night and a man about my height wearing his hair up in a bun like Aloca (which I will write more about later) walked in with two bags of fruit. His smile was infectious, or maybe it was my smile. Whatever it was, there was an instantaneous amount of joy. It was as I so often say "instantaneous friendship."

I was caught off guard and forgot his name as soon as I met him. 20 minutes into conversation, I apologetically requested his name. "Ruben."

As the time flew by and the taxi driver interrupted our conversation--Sabine, Magnus, and I had asked him to pick us up 2 hours since we arrived. "Excuse me, did you still want a lift?" he asked.

I was shocked back into the environment of time and the 5 of us quickly paid the bill and crowded into the cab and spent the next 2 hours listening to a local Reggae band. All the time Ruben's energy and stories were teaching me inarticulable things.

Growing up in Moravia San Jose, Ruben gave me a better grasp on the country that so eagerly engulfed me with beauty and energetic love. He came to Cahuita to write a documentary about the history of politics and international economic relations of Costa Rica with the United States and the United Kingdom. And as I write he has begun writing his story.

Sentences do not describe Ruben, I really think music is the only way to capture his spirit.

The night drifted into jungle and as Aloca and Ruben walked us back to La Diosa. I was very sad that I had to leave in less then a few hours. But was grateful to have been given a few hours inspired to once again be reminded of me and the wisdom of connections made in journeying down a path that sometimes seems full of potholes, detours, and dead ends.

So today as I felt silent and homesick for a place that taught me love, forgiveness, and strength in it's beauty and in it's people, I received a message. A message that reminded me to "pay attention."

I could not have written a better message, nor do I think the message was merely from Ruben, but from something bigger. Because I needed to hear them.


"It was proven that the Universe is to be trusted with clarity, wisdom and joy in the wider sense of love that holds the balance of our planet Earth. Also, the proof that Karma laws work in every decision that we make and its manifestations are given to us in ways sometimes we cannot even imagine, but once you've known where the dots are connected there is nothing left but a great joy and reverence towards life and others."

There's nothing more to say other than Ruben was a very unexpected messenger, and an unexpected friend. And my gratitude for what he taught me about me cannot be expressed. At least, I am at a loss for words.

Pay attention, you don't want to miss anything.

Dear White Faced Monkey,

We met a week ago in the jungle. You were flying amongst the branches dangerously close to my head. And you attacked a random Cahuitian chica.

My curiosity begs me to ask several questions about your life and your random attack. And, if I can be of any service to your peace of mind, I will gladly inspire a clan of monkey-peace followers. 

I can only imagine how us opposable-thumbed mammals cause jealousy. But let me say this, we opposable-thumbed mammals are just as jealous because we are not able to have your agility and fearlessness when facing heights. 

So, maybe there is still a chance to find a bit of understanding in our mammalian blood to stop the "monkey business" and enjoy more harmonic hiking in the Cahuita National Park.

That leads me to a series of questions that will help the court understand your random attack on the Cahuitian chica. She suffered dearly. Internal bleeding, stitches, and had to undergo a series of rabies shots. You are being charged with second degree murder.

Seriously monkey, how did she bring about such violence? Was her smiling taunts of "Oh isn't she cute..." aggravating? Was she sleeping with your mate? Did she just look so good, you had to have some? Was she carrying bananas? Are you a vampire monkey?

I apologize if my questions are too personal. You do have the right to a non-opposable thumbed lawyer, but the 5th amendment does not apply. Actually...the 5th amendment is irrelevant because we were nowhere near the USA.

Oh my white faced monkey friend, I can only hope you and I are able to negotiate a peaceful ceasefire between our biological differences in thumbs. If you need an ear to listen, or a place to escape for a bit, I am here for you. 

May we meet again.

Your opposable-thumbed friend

Costa Rica Epic: A few Poems to begin with

I'm so tired at the present moment. I cannot sleep because I miss the sound of the jungle and I miss the warmth of the jungle air and the rain that pours down to cleanse and feed the soul of earth.

I returned from my 10 day sabbatical in Costa Rica very very early this morning, and all I can think about and feel is the spirit of a place that brought me so much healing and peace. A journey that I will forever feel everyday for the rest of my life.

This is just the beginning of several entries about my trip, but I am burning up with the desire to write even though the energy in my eyes and fingers is very low. I feel my writing is fatigued so I will share a few poems from one of the last nights of my trip.

Connection

Where there is connection
there is truth
there are teachers
there are friends
there is wisdom

Connection requires no more
than a minute second
a sheer glance at the right angle

Connection is electric
satisfying all elements

Connection is sacred
never developed
but ignited and earned

Journey is about connection
There is a path in front of us
Each connection aligns us with that path


*******

A Sloth's Lesson

balance bends

baby sloths hold on
treading treachery
through trees
towering toward sky

we gather with bended heads
to treat love as a mystery
and celebrate its blessings

balance bends

motion creates
balance where it's
needed the most

****
Vortex

There
high in a tree
crickets sing tweedle dee

tonight you hugged
beckoning for warmth and connection
thirsty
for my energy
you gulped the boltage

I channeled from beyond
for a refill of my own

Laughter

Today I got to see my friend Emily use a Bobcat to the sound of the chicken dance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2fEHtzx-C4

Emily is my saving grace lately. She has been my laugh sastisfier. You have to understand that if I do not laugh, I go nuts at the smallest things. Like today, I was so hit over the head with how awesome it was to be back at work after being sick for what seemed "forever." Everything was funny. And at one point, I started crying for no apparent reason because I was laughing at nothing. Then everyone started laughing, and the contagion spread and the world felt lighter.

I need to laugh like I need to breathe. If you know me, you know that you will not be compatible as a friend or lover unless you can make me laugh. (Believe me it doesn't take much, but if you don't have a sense of humor. Forget it.)

When I was little, one of the first movies I saw was "Fatso," and my dad to this day still says that he'll never forget that sound of me roaring. I'm a loud belly laugher.

In tennis, for silly awards, I won the "loudest laugher" award, because you could hear me all the way across 16 tennis courts and my friends in cross country could hear me as they did sprints around the track.

I tend to laugh at random stupid things, really witty things, really dirty things, or myself. I actually think I am the funniest thing ever created because I'm so gosh darn strange and random. I also think it's because I've had to entertain myself for as long as I can remember--that's the only child part coming out.

When I'm really depressed and crying I'll start laughing hysterically. I think it's a trained response because I think it's so hilarious what hysterical noises I make when I'm crying. I also think it's because I'll try to think of something funny to snap out of the insanity. My dad would always come into my bedroom and slam the door in his face--I'd be in roars within seconds.

My dad is the funniest man I know. Although, I do take him too seriously at times. But if you've ever met my dad, you'll know where I get my crazy sense of humor. And my "roll with the punches" attitude. I learned it from the best.

Laughter I believe is one of the best ways to say "I love you." It's the purest form and it does not hold expectations or a negative connotation unless what you're laughing at is for "vicious wicked witch of the west" reasons. Bottom line, humor me. :) I know I can crack myself up, but I really hope you can do it just as well.

I'm not one to crack jokes--I'm actually really bad at telling jokes and that's usually what cracks me up. I'll start laughing while telling the joke. Haha...

There is a quota of a minimum of 35 minutes of laughing/day that tested by fellow Anne laugheteers that I must consume. If 35 minutes has not been met I am going to be a bit crazy. :)

Emily, however, seems to have upped the ante to 70 minutes, but I don't know if that's her or my new found love of the internal ab workout. This workout, I've discovered, can only be achieved through crazy yoga breathing techniques and laughter. :) Rolling your belly in unusual ways is fun, but I'd rather laugh. :)

Hi, I'm Anne, I'm a laughaholic.

3d

I went and saw Coraline last night. I got to wear the cool 3d glasses and watch things pop out from the movie screen. I haven't done that since my visit to Epcot Center when I was 5!

But what I realized while watching the movie is that 3d is different for everyone in life. Not everything pops out at us. I'd like to make the really stereotypical analogy of a woman in a crowded bar looking for the man of her dreams. She looks around and certain things pop out "That man smokes. Gross." "He's too fat (big belly bulging)." "Player (guy who's surrounded by a lot of women)." And then there's those instances when the whole man pops and her girlfriends hear her say "Oh my God...look at that guy." She may or may not have met her match but something from her perspective gave her that 3d element. He popped off the screen.

Of course we are 3d human beings but the coolest part about the 3d art form is that the artist is able to tell you what is significant in what oftentimes appears to be a 2 dimensional dreamworld. I will admit that I enjoyed Coraline for the fact that I felt like I was inspired by the creativity of the animation and the 3d idea that brought me to the position of typing about it on a Sunday morning.

We all have things that pop out in our life and I think the poignancy of realizing what is 3d is important to be aware of. There's a story there. There's a compass there. There's a path to be followed. So whether you are a Wall Street investment banker, a composer, a writer, an illustrator, a grocery clerk, a plumber, or even an independently wealthy person it's important to pay attention to what "grabs" you.

When I look at my life, I've noticed that "popping" is really important. If something doesn't pop--and I mean that in the most literal of senses (including the mysterious balloon popping)--I tend to turn a different direction or feel let down. Hmmm...so there is something to be argued with that point related to expectations and presence...but I would like to take a 2d approach to what I'm saying. I do not mean to disregard presence because it is presence that makes things pop, and I do not mean to deny the fact that expectations have an impact on what you "think" will pop.

Putting that aside...my intuition about certain perspectives have determined many life changes. I've fallen in love. I've moved to Chicago. I've traveled. I've jumped off waterfalls. I've climbed very tall rocks. I've made lifelong friendships. I've gotten lost only to find something very beautiful. I've won competitions. I've learned how to say "no." All of these things I've learned and lived through a 3d experience of sorts.

Now mind me, the little things in life are the most precious but sometimes you must pay a bit more attention to catch them. :)

chocolate chip cookies, cups of tea, a smile from a stranger, a butterfly, laughter, an unexpected hug, kisses, music drifting from a lone apartment building, the sound of OM...the list goes on but all of these are part of living in 3d

And I guess I must not exclude the fact that living in 3d is not about honeysuckles and sweet flavors and smells, but actually the most 3d experiences are the ones that hurt. But from this hurt beautiful thing grow as I like to say. "From shit, flowers grow." Loving shit is as important as loving flowers there is no possibility of having one without the other. Unless maybe you are an earthworm...

So I must end the clock is popping out at me calling me to yoga. First day back since being sick.